dude,
OK well this long weekend i had
allot to think about.. i had
allot on my mind and started blaming it on God... here's my deal.. well whenever i start to like i guy i always think well... "
I'm ready, this is going to be a healthy relationship, God wants this..."
OK well i hope
I'm not the only person who tries to make all their situations sound better than they really are.. but anyways... Then once i say.. this isn't going to be like the last time, this boy isn't going to hurt me.. God decides to say "hey
Alex, yeah you COULD be this boys girlfriend but i really want you to just be their FRIEND right now, they need you as a friend." seriously.. it's a cycle
that's been going on in my life.. and
every time...
EVERY TIME... since
I'm too nice i don't remind them of all their broken promises of liking me, and all
their empty spaces of sadness i now
possess because
I'd fallen for them i say " everything
OK,
I'll always be here for you" (almost word for word over and over again) but this time it was just like WHY CAN'T I JUST BE HAPPY GOD! and i
wasn't myself.. i was saying and acting on things that just my old self kicking in, it was the girl i promised myself...And God that
I'd never be again... this is when i had to make the
decision if i wanted to go camping with my church..
Anona. i really really didn't feel like it for several reasons.
- i just wanted to wallow in my self pitty all weekend
- the good ole exams that were braking me
- i wanted to hang out with that STUPID guy who was making me upset
- sometimes that church makes nothing better, its just a drama zone
- people were going who i knew lets say... didn't like me very much
and all this was over thrown by this reason
- God was telling me too
so yes, i went.. and yes.. their was drama... but also yes.. there was God. and my friends who can talk to me for hours and just listen to me rant. i knew that I'd have to come back to my world in just 2 days, but I'd come back more sturdy and ready for life's little challenges... so i want to say thank you to Kristen, Kristin, Krissy, and Rachel for being their when i needed someone to talk to. and just listening.. and also all the other people who helped me this week.. like April, and my dad... even though sometimes I'm stubborn, i love the advise you give me.. it's hard to realize God is their, always... not matter what.