reach. for. the. beauty. in. life.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

so most of the time i don't really care what people say about me because they don't know me, when they say i'm fake and a huge flirt, but after a while when people tell you this, you have to think it's for a reason, but i have done NOTHING to make these people post annonomously rude things about me on my formspring, so all i'm left to believe is that i guess i'm really not that great of a person. i wonder what my real friends think. i know to my face they will say i'm fine and to tell everyone else to shove it who are saying these hurtful things but what about when i'm not there to listen to their response? will they still say that? I guess i am just looking too much into things. i gave it to God and thats all i really can do right, well 3 more days until my party and 6 more until my actual berfday. (:

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

to be or not to be alex

am i just imagining things or am i becoming a loner?
i have to stop feeling sorry for myself and just look at the happy.
i used to be all about the happy
where's that Alex now??
well people got really annoyed with that Alex, and thought she was on crack
but Alex was happy being that Alex.
i think that Alex Needs to stop over thinking things. stop over thinking people's opinions about her... i hope Alex reads this and agrees..

OK so I've been going through a stage where i just really want to get my act together and really focus on my future and my goals. (the 73% in chem. isn't helping.. stupid Mrs. brown) and i don't know what the heck i want to do in my life. it's not the fact that i don't know that's bothering me, it's the fact that i have big dreams... we're talking Broadway, musician, peace corps, art/musical therapist, a missionary in Uganda. and people just have been working their whole lives for these goals. and are REALLY good at them, because they are just so hard-core on knowing this stuff, but me.. I'm just whatever about the whole thing. and all the GO-GETTER'S are gonna get the job/college/life that they want and I'm gonna be stuck in no-where land with my coffee mug behind some insurance guys desk. if you ever want to reach me in 30 years just call 1-800-life's-a-fail. I'll be happy to chat. oh yeah also i am secretly obsessing over if I'm getting fat. i know i know you ALWAYS hear girls say "ooh I'm so fat" when they are like size negative zero, but I'm foreal. and it is scary. AND my party is coming up soon, and I'm like okkk well nobody has RSVP'D soooo, is nobody coming? what if nobody shows up? how horrible? that is like sadly a huge nightmare of mine.

i always feel like i am so on fire fore God, and then sometimes not at all. i love talking to this girl April mills about my problems, with God, cause she seems to understand. but i always think she's too busy, cause she is. and i love talking to Kristin, but she always Say's something to lighten the mood, and sometimes i don't want my mood lightened. i just want someone to listen, i feel distant. and i always tell my mom everything. but now that my parents are divorced. it's hard to do that when you don't see her for a week. well i don't know. i just don't know.

Monday, March 1, 2010

so, I've decided to give up myspace/facebook for lent.
it was very easy when i had lots to do
but now.. it's like omg what to i do with my life?!
see what this world has come to! lol well anyways. just letting you, well really myself know that there is, and never will be any more nick Waite. he wasn't who i thought he was, and apparently i wasn't even his friend. i know wah wah Alex no big deal. i know. but I'm just sayin'
ha ha