reach. for. the. beauty. in. life.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

to be or not to be alex

am i just imagining things or am i becoming a loner?
i have to stop feeling sorry for myself and just look at the happy.
i used to be all about the happy
where's that Alex now??
well people got really annoyed with that Alex, and thought she was on crack
but Alex was happy being that Alex.
i think that Alex Needs to stop over thinking things. stop over thinking people's opinions about her... i hope Alex reads this and agrees..

OK so I've been going through a stage where i just really want to get my act together and really focus on my future and my goals. (the 73% in chem. isn't helping.. stupid Mrs. brown) and i don't know what the heck i want to do in my life. it's not the fact that i don't know that's bothering me, it's the fact that i have big dreams... we're talking Broadway, musician, peace corps, art/musical therapist, a missionary in Uganda. and people just have been working their whole lives for these goals. and are REALLY good at them, because they are just so hard-core on knowing this stuff, but me.. I'm just whatever about the whole thing. and all the GO-GETTER'S are gonna get the job/college/life that they want and I'm gonna be stuck in no-where land with my coffee mug behind some insurance guys desk. if you ever want to reach me in 30 years just call 1-800-life's-a-fail. I'll be happy to chat. oh yeah also i am secretly obsessing over if I'm getting fat. i know i know you ALWAYS hear girls say "ooh I'm so fat" when they are like size negative zero, but I'm foreal. and it is scary. AND my party is coming up soon, and I'm like okkk well nobody has RSVP'D soooo, is nobody coming? what if nobody shows up? how horrible? that is like sadly a huge nightmare of mine.

i always feel like i am so on fire fore God, and then sometimes not at all. i love talking to this girl April mills about my problems, with God, cause she seems to understand. but i always think she's too busy, cause she is. and i love talking to Kristin, but she always Say's something to lighten the mood, and sometimes i don't want my mood lightened. i just want someone to listen, i feel distant. and i always tell my mom everything. but now that my parents are divorced. it's hard to do that when you don't see her for a week. well i don't know. i just don't know.

1 comment:

  1. Dude, I could SO help you with the Chem thing. I love Chem. Not trying to say I got lab master this week or anything.... But I did.
    Oh, and I'm a pretty good listner too. Almost as good as I am at Chemistry.